>Jamaican Old Age Test.
>
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
> >You know you are getting old if:
> >
> >1. You had an exercise book with Queen Elizabeth
> and her husband on it
> instead
> >of a ring binder
> >
> >2. You used to listen to Rediffusion
> >
> >3. You wore Bata crepe to school and bought asham
> at the school gate
> >
> >4. You remember that the Lou and Ranny show used to
> come on at 7.00 pm on a
> >Sunday
> >
> >5. You know what the initials T.A.D.P stand for
> >
> >6. You know who Tony Verity is
> >
> >7. You can name more than two of the characters in
> a jonkanoo band
> >
> >8. You know what boxing title Bunny Grant held
> >
> >10. You didn't buy gigs, yo yo's, kites or sling
> shots in a store but made
> them
> >yourself
> >
> >11. You know what Fanta and Nu Grape is
> >
> >12. You know what a Woolsley, Humber and Zephyr are
> >
> >13. You got a washout and worm medicine at the end
> of summer holidays
> >
> >14. Your school graduation was called "prize
> giving"
> >
> >15. You still call Norman Manley Airport
> "Palisadoes"
> >
> >16. You still have a BOAC bag hidden somewhere in a
> closet
> >
> >17. You Remember when people used to go to the
> airport and come back with a
> >twang
> >
> >18. When you hear classical music on the radio you
> still say "is who ded
> now ?"
> >
> >19. You still refer to any smooth stretch of road
> as "barber greene"
> >
> >20. You still use words like "bine" and "clyded"
> AND know the difference
> between
> >the two
> >
> >
> > ANSWER KEY : If your answer is yes to -
> >
> >less than 5 - you are a babe in the woods
> >
> >5 to 10 - you are listening to too many of your
> parent's stories
> >
> >10 to 15 - getting up there, watch it !
> >
> >all 20 - you have Limacol and Bay Rum on the night
> stand and a chimmey
> under the
> >bed

Can you imagine receiving the following reply letter

from back home:

"How yuh mean if mi want anything? Read di list

below...

mek sure yuh read to di end.1 pair a church shoes
1 pair a shoes (lugz or some oder designer style)
2 pair a Nikey (di latest style cause a dem a wear ova
yah) mi a go print mi foot size pon piece a paper and
send to yuh couple
jeans(dont buy dem too tight cause a baggy jeans a
wear now...mi like Fubu or
CalvinKlein) some church shirt, some bashment shirt and ganzie fi wear
go danceand party short jeans (Fubu, Calvin Kein or Levis)
1 Nikey or Calvin Klein Belt1 CD player and some CD
(mi stop listen to cassette)
some folder leaf, some foreign pen and pencil, some
foreign book (di one dem whey yuh can use fi all 5 subjects)
1 school bag (di one whey mi have tear up)
1 football boots (mek sure yuh buy adidas)
1 football (mek sure yuh buy a good one and buy size 5)
some football shorts, socks and jersey (buy Adidas)(DEM SAY IT STAN FOR -ALL DAY I DREAM ABOUT SEX)(definately adidas)
2 cologne (1 fi wear everday and 1 fi when mi a go out)
Some foreign deodorant & some foreign soap (mi di luv dem
one weh yuh did have when yuh di out yah, mi caan
memba dem name) mi caan bada
wid da Carib carbolic Cuz if yuh have any money lef
buy some tings fi di house
nuh....(LIFEBOY) dem say it tek weh de body odor
1 color TV; 1 Dish (everybody pon di street have one
except we) 1 blender, couple bed spread and pilla case, table
cloth fi din kitchen (mi shame fi put on di one old pieca one mi have when people
cum visit me)some foreign saltfish (mi seh it deer out
yah) some tinners (bully beef, mackerel and dem tings deh)
flour, sugar, salt, rice, oil, onion, anything else
whey yuh see and know seh mi want.Tanks
P.S. Mi get 20 dalla U.S. fi sen cum fi help buy di
tings bu mi done seal up di envelop aready. Suh, nex time
when yuh cum, mi wi gi yuh.

All our love,Antie Puncie & Uncle Egbert

Three contractors were visiting a tourist attraction on the same day. One was
from Trinidad, another from Barbados, and the
third from Jamaica. At the end of the tour, the guard asked them what they
did for a living. When they all replied that they were
contractors, the guard said, "Hey, we need one of the rear fences redone. Why
don't you guys take a look at it and give me a bid?" So, to the back fence
they all went to check it out.

First to step up was the Trinidadian contractor. He took out his tape measure
and pencil, did some measuring and said, "Well I
figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and
$100 profit for me."

Next was the contractor from Barbados. He also took out his tape measure and
pencil, did some quick figuring and said, "Looks
like I can do this job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and
$100 profit for me."

Without so much as moving, the Jamaican contractor said, "$2,700."

The guard, incredulous, looked at him and said, "You didn't even measure like
the other guys! How did you come up with
such a high figure?"

"Easy," he said. "$1,000 for me, $1,000 for you and we hire the brethren from
Barbados."

THE KEYS TO SUCCESS ARE IN YOUR HANDS

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Your life will always be what you make of it. Your
thoughts and actions will lead you to success or failure.

Always accept responsibility for your actions. Always
set a higher standard for yourself. No one is going to
do it for you. Only you can make it happen.

You cannot do everything, but you can do something.
Your success is but a determined action away.

THE ODDS ARE WITH YOU IF YOU TRY

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--------------------------------------

Persistence. "Keep trying" is the rule that you
must follow to become successful in anything.
Persistence means taking pains to overcome every
obstacle, to do all that is necessary to reach
your goal.

Success in anything is connected with action.
Successful people keep moving. They make mistakes
but they don't quit. They hang on long after others
have let go.

Never, never, never, never quit. If you keep on
trying the odds are with you. Endurance is the
crowning quality of success.

YOUR SUCCESS DEPENDS ON OTHER PEOPLE

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Your personal relationships are the fertile soil
from which all advancement, all success, all
achievement in real life grows.

You'll find that you can get anything you want in
life if you will help other people get what they
want. Always try to think in terms of what the
other person wants. The only hurdle between you
and what you want to be is the support of others.

When you hold a torch to light another's path you
brighten your own.

ALL WINNERS THINK AHEAD

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----------------------------------

Think ahead of any approaching action. Make a plan
and you always have the advantage. You can be the
winner.

Time is the medium where you gain the advantage in
any situation. When you do things before they need
to be done, you position yourself ahead of time in
the best place.

Let your advance worrying become advance thinking
and planning. The time to repair the roof is when
the sun is shining.

In life, as in chess, forethought wins.