One Wish
A Jamaican woman was walking along the banks of Dunn's River Falls
when she stumbled upon a old empty bottle.
She picked it up and rubbed it, and lo-and-behold a Genie
appeared.
She talked with him awhile then the Genie told her he would grant
her ONE wish.
She said she heard from a cousin that she would get three wishes
if she ever found a Genie.
The Genie said,"Nope, sorry three-wish genies nuh real,
me is strictly a ONE-WISH Genie.So... what yuh want?"
The woman didn't hesitate.
She said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map,
I want these countries to stop fighting with each other
and I want all the Arabs to love Jews and Americans and
vice-versa. It will bring about world peace and harmony. "
The Genie looked at the map and exclaimed,
"Lawd Lady, A wah wrang wid yu? PLEASE BE REASONABLE!
Dem countries yah a war fi how much thousands of years.
Mi shut up inna dis bockle fi 'bout five hundred of dem dey years.
mi good but mi nuh dat good!
Mi nuh know if mi can grant dis one. Do Lady, mek another wish!!
Mi a beg yuh... Be reasonable."
The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been
able to find the right Jamaican man... You know, one that is
considerate and fun, likes to dance and helps with the cooking
& house-cleaning, is great in bed FAITHFUL.
That's what I wish for... a good Jamaican man.
The Genie let out a long sigh, shook his head and said,
"Mek mi see di map again!!!!"

Subject: How we differ from everyone!!

USA: It's been a long time since I have seen you girl....
JAM: Gyal, you noh dead yet?

USA: Oh Lord, we have lost electricity again.
JAM: Lawd Gad... current lock awff again to rahtid!

USA: This meal is not too bad
JAM: Di food cyan eat

USA: Where did you buy that awful bracelet Cindy?
JAM: A weh yuh buy dat-deh big ole ugly bangle deh missis?

USA: Hors d'oeurves?
JAM: Ah wah dis likkle sinting yuh a gi me?

USA: Here kitty kitty... get down from the roof
JAM: Hey dutty puss...come awff a di housetap before a buss yuh rass!

USA: I think something is wrong with Susan. She might have the flu.
JAM: Lawd Gad... obiya tek up Suzie!

USA: Oh my God, I just broke mom's expensive plate!
JAM: Lawd mi Gad, mi bruk up mamma stoosh crackry!

USA: Aren't those pants a bit short?
JAM: Yuh did expek flood or yuh tek yuh mezament inna wata?

USA: Why are you squeezing the mangoes like that?
JAM: Lissen to mi nuh, mi a beg yuh stap fingle-fingle up di mango dem.

USA: Sir, please don't throw my luggage like that.
JAM: Aye, buff-teet bwoy, tap fling up, fling-up mi bag dem suh man.

USA: I wish you would quit lying.
JAM: Tap di blinkin lyin, yuh ole liyad.

USA: Lift up the hood of the car for me John.
JAM: Hey my yute, fly di bonett rasta!

USA: I am waiting for a taxi and it's taking so long!!
JAM: But wait, no robot naah run todeh

USA: Get me a pop please?
JAM: Beg yuh carry wan drinks fi mi deh..

USA: It's time for a Perm.
JAM: Gyal, yuh hed waan cream. Yuh noh si how it tough?

USA: Yuck! This is nasty!
JAM: Kiss mi neckback!! What a sinting tase bad an incipid!!

USA: I wish you would close your mouth.
JAM: Yuh mout come in like when grip cyan shut.

USA: Girl, your acne is terrible

JAM: Massagad, pickeny, yuh face bumpy-bumpy an fayva grayta eeh..

USA: Please make some room on the bus so this man can have a seat.
JAM: Schoolas, small up unnu self man mek daddy siddung.

USA: I have a stomach ache.
JAM: Mi belly ah gripe mi.

USA: These mangoes look a bit over-ripe.
JAM: Missis, move fran in front ah mi wid dem fluxy mango deh.

USA: He has very large, full eyes.
JAM: Wat ah bway fayva patoo

USA: He has no manners.
JAM: Him no have no broughupsi

USA: Perspiration odour
JAM: Him smell green

USA: Poached (boiled) chicken
JAM: Dat deh singtin nuh start cook yet

USA: Oh, dear
JAM: ee-eeeeee

USA: Josh is suffering from Attention Deficit Disorder.
JAM: Di pickeny too dyam hard ears!!

USA: He has a touch of Dyslexia.
JAM: What a bway Dunce sah!!!

USA: I need a bottle of Peptobismol. My stomach hurts.
JAM: Lawd mi coulda do wid a washout yah now... mi belly bine up.

USA: That man over there is missing his dentures.
JAM: Cooh pan dat deh mashmout bredda ova deh soh.

3 West Indians

Three buddies talking bout if they in they casket and friends and family are mourning over them, what they would like to hear them say 'bout them?

The first fella say, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor, and a great family man."

The second fella say, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who mek a huge difference in the children of tomorrow."

The third fella say, "I would like to hear them say......LOOK DEY, HE MOVING!!!!!"

Raasta Application and Interview

Name: Deportee Dread Ama Baka Yaad from Farin
Age: I man no count birtday
Date of birth: Mi sey Rasta noh deal wid dem tings mon
Address: uppa di hills a Wesmorlan
Tel No.: I man no participate in di Babylon system
Marital Status: single married
No. of children: I an I hav nuff common law wit 21 lickle soljas a run roun' di island Occupation: Sell Jelly coconut pan Spanish town road and gunja outta mi kitchen winda
Company Name: I man nuh keep company, yuh nuh seeit
Present position: Mi like di lizard lap position, but mi open to any adda position.
Avergae monthly income: depends pan di season n' di demands fi di weed, sometimes business slow an ting.
Credit Reference: Mor' Fyah!!! I man no deal wit credit... strictly up front dollas a do it.
Unsecured Overdraft limit: Chat H'english.... A wha di rass dat mean?
Secured Overdraft limit: Mi seh yuh fi chat English.
Personal loan amount: Tony owe mi bout 40gran... a gwine buss im claut when mi buck im up... watch mi an im.
Monthly payment: Ask Tony... cause a monts now mi nuh si not a cent fram im.
No. Of Payments outstanding: Yuh def!! Mi sey Tony nuh gi mi back mi money so all a it outstanding!!!
Mortgage Loan amount: Mi nah pay mortgage fi mi zinc shed.... is I man buil'dat.
Monthly Payment: yuh come back a ask di same foolishness.
No. Of monthly payment outstanding: is wha' do dis ooman? MI SEY TONY NUH PAY MI YET!!!


This interview is over~~~ Application for Loan~~~~DENIED


GOH WEH!!!... unu hypocrite and sadomite unu!!!